fractured tale 7

Sleeping Pamela

Even if nothing in this fairytale is exactly normal, let's start as usual:
Once upon a time, in a huge and magnificent castle, in the middle of a very old forest, Mr and Mrs X (they prefer to remain anonymous for personal reasons) were celebrating the birth of their first daughter.
Well...maybe celebrate isn't the good word. Mr X was satisfied with opening a beer to celebrate the event.
Anyway, the huge and beautiful castle had been in the family of Mr X for years and each child who was born there received the benediction of the three fairies of the castle.
The three fairies were called Nicole Richie, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. What breathtaking godmothers! Especially for a ductile child.
Of course, they were late, and when they arrived, Mr X noticed that Britney Spears was looking a bit weird.
"Lindsay, honey, bring me some chocolate and try to organize an appointment with my best friend Margarita. With my medium too. I need to talk to Granny..." she said.
"I guess that she drank a bit too much," confided Mr X to Lindsay Lohan.
"Noo...it's her normal state," said the fairy while she was cleaning her nails. "You know what, Nicole?"
"No, but a little bird say me that I'm going to know soon enough..." answered Nicole.
"...I've met a great guy on Meetic!"
"No kidding? What’s he like?" asked Nicole.
"Handsome."
"And?!" exclaimed Nicole.
"...Handsome." repeated Lindsay.
"Please," asked Mrs X, "could we start?"
The three fairies leaned towards the cradle with an enormous sigh.
"What's her name?" asked Lindsay.
"Pamela," replied Mrs X
"OK, Pamela...you will be ugly."
"And stupid," added Nicole
"Like your mother,” added Britney perfidiously.
"It was supposed to be a GOOD benediction!" shouted Mr X whose eyes were bulging out of his head.
"Yes, I know," admitted Nicole, “but we have pronounced hundreds of good benedictions. Ok, maybe a dozen. We must innovate a little bit...Oh...I have to tell you something,” she whispered, ”there’s a new dragon in the forest...he's called Sarkolefique. He seems extremely sensitive, so please, don't forget to invite him to drink a cup of tea to celebrate Pamela's birth."
"We'll think about it," agreed Mr and Mrs X.
A few days later, the X family invited Sarkolefique to drink a cup of tea and eat some biscuits...a lot of biscuits.
Sarkoléfique seemed to have a tendency for greediness and he also seemed quite neurotic.
"Yes, you know, I saw my psychologist last Friday and he told me that I suffer from lying condition and an inferiority complex because of my little height..." he confessed.
He was also very talkative and at 6 p.m., they were still talking of schizophrenia and split personality.
"Would you like to see the baby?" asked Mrs X.
"I'd love to," replied Sarkolefique.
She showed him the cradle of the girl and he started to make strange noises to attract Pamela's attention.
"Oh, the little baby...Kili-kili-kili!Coin coin!Hidden...and hello!"
Pamela looked at him doing his monkey tricks for a minute, surprised and she started crying at the top of her lungs.
Sarkoléfique, very vexed, shouted, "You will overdose before you're 40 and you'll fall into coma for the rest of your life! I can promise you will!" And he left.
24 years later...
Mr and Mrs X were eating their breakfast when Pamela rushed into the room.
"Daaad, Muuum! My computer is out of order again! It's un...and...end...”
“Forget it, Pam...”Unbelievable” is a too complicated word for you,” said Mr X while he was reading his newspapers.
“About your computer...HELLOOO! We are in the third millennium, cell phones are made to be used, and guess what, with this wonderful tool, you can call a repairman. Isn't it great? added his wife.
Pamela, thanks to her dear godmothers, was indeed the most stupid person in the county, and one of the ugliest.
She was going back to her room when, on the way, she met a little witch, with a hooked nose and a pointed hat.
"I imagine that you don't know the phone number of the closest repairman,do you?"asked Pamela miserable.
"Telephone books are made for that, honey. But I have something which will make you forget all your problems..." answered the witch
"Really?"
"Absolutely. It's called..eeuuh..heroine, I think. Look, it's very simple, just a little injection and..."
At the first injection, Pamela didn't feel anything.
At the second injection, she found this product extremely pleasant.
At the third injection, she started singing.
At the fourth one, she was snoring.
The witch took a walkie-talkie from her pocket and pressed a button.
"Yes, it's done, sir. She is in the coma. Yes. Yes. No. OK"
The witch was a messenger of Sarkoléfique! We can definitively trust no one in this world.
Outside, Sarkoléfique was organizing a S.W.A.T.team around the castle, so as to impede people from coming in.
5 days after...
"What's happening here?" asked a gorgeous young man.
"There is a blockade." Answered Sarkolefique.
"Why?" added the young man.
"Because, there's a woman inside who is in the coma, and I don't want anyone to wake her up," answered Sarkoléfique.
"Are you holding her prisoner?"
"Yes. Do you mind?"
"Yes. It's my job. I'm Prince Charming, but unemployed, made redundant. There are no more princesses to save, nowadays.
"...?"
"You know, Prince Charming, the one who appears only at the end of the fairytales.”He arrived on his spirited charger, saved the princess, and they lived happily ever after". The playboy who always has white teeth?"
"This does not ring a bell" said Sarkofelique.
"Anyway, there is a woman here and I have to save her, or I will be destituted..Do you think you could let me pass for a part of my next wages?
"Are you offering me money to leave my place?"
"Yes."
"To lose my honour and my credibility?" added Sarkofelique.
"Exactly."
"To lay myself open to my soldiers' criticism?!"
"Absolutely."
"All right." Agreed Sarkofelique.
Sarkoléfique let him enter. Prince Charming came in the castle and, in the middle of a corridor, he knocked against Pamela's body.
He woke her up by sending her a couple of slaps. She rose to her feet immediately and they fell in love.
And their story finished as it began. With a couple of slaps.
As for Sarkoléfique, he decided to go into politics. We know the result.